Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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