they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
