Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
