4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
