drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
