I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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