Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
