I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
