; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
