addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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