totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
