Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
