Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
