Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
being pregnant is like rehab
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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