What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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