I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
