I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
