Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
