hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
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