hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
My breasts were aching with rage.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
