well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
