2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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