i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
