the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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