she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Sacagawea was the original milf.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
