I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
