dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize