i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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