WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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