Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
