Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
