I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize