I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
