I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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