Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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