I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
