captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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