so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
