Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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