I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
