I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
