so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
