Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
