It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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