I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
