i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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