i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
