I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
