i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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