Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
