i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
