Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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