walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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