I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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