Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize