theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
my shit smells like andre
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
