Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Randomize
