I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
