I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
