I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i don't like sucking hair
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize