Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
this just has baby written all over it
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
