Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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