Me too!
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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