On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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