We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
My first STD was from a foam party
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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