Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
