I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
