I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
