Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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