I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
