I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
