Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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