How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
