What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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