dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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