last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
