I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
