good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
